Gowns and Guests
Cake toppers facing away from each other, representing the concept of fighting spouses

Don’t Let Wedding Planning Ruin Your Marriage Before It Starts

It’s no secret that wedding planning can be stressful. The pressure to have the “perfect” ceremony–while sticking to your budget, no less–has caused many couples to have epic meltdowns.

It might help to know that most couples have at least one wedding planning meltdown. Here are some of the most common things engaged couples fight about–and how to get through them without calling the whole thing off.

The Budget

The biggest thing couples fight about is, unsurprisingly, the wedding budget. Conversations about money are never easy. Usually, one person wants to spend a lot more on the wedding. This person may have wealthy family that can foot the bill–or they may have just spent too much time on Pinterest obsessing over all the must-haves for the wedding.

Often, the fight isn’t even really about the wedding budget. It’s about deeper insecurities or inequalities between you. Do you feel like your future spouse is too frivolous with money? Do you have different spending and saving philosophies?

This is the stuff that you need to figure out before you make it to the altar. Have an honest conversation about your financial goals as a couple and where the wedding budget fits into those goals.

The Guest List

The guest list argument can get ugly between couples–especially if there’s already friction between future in-laws. Parents will sometimes have very strong opinions about who “must” be invited to the wedding. And, honestly, if they’re footing the bill, you may have to let them win that fight.

However, if you and your future spouse are sharing wedding costs, then a lopsided guest list can lead to an argument about fairness. It gets even worse if you don’t like some of the people they want to include.

You may need to negotiate with your partner to ensure that the guest list is fair. Wedding planning–and a healthy relationship–involves compromise.

The Apathetic Fiancé

This common wedding argument is tough to navigate. If your partner seems to have zero interest in wedding planning, it can make you feel frustrated or insecure. After all, if they don’t care about your wedding, does that mean they don’t care about you, either?

There are a few reasons your partner might not be as into wedding planning as you are. It might be due to outdated gender norms–men aren’t “supposed” to care about their own weddings or girly stuff like flowers. Or it might be that you actually care a little too much about getting the minute details perfect.

One possible solution is to divide the wedding labor according to your interests. If your fiancé is a foodie, let them handle the menu. If you love music, then assign yourself the task of finding the right DJ. And if neither of you cares about table linens? It might be worthwhile to hire a wedding planner who can take care of those details for you.

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