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Cold Feet or Red Flags? When It’s More Than Just Wedding Jitters

Even the most loving, devoted couples may experience a moment of pre-wedding panic as they plan for the big day. Usually, these feelings are nothing to be concerned about–just a natural reaction to making a big change in your life. However, there may be some instances where your instincts are actually trying to warn you against making a big mistake.

You Dread Being Embarrassed By Your Betrothed

If you’re already worried about the ways your future spouse might embarrass you at your wedding… well, that’s a sign of deeper problems in the relationship. Either you are holding them to an impossible standard, or else your fiance(e) has issues with respecting your personal boundaries. Before you say “I do,” take some time to think through why you feel this way; a visit to a professional counselor might help.

Your Future In-Laws Are Nightmares

Terrible mothers-in-law are a rom-com cliche, but they exist in real life, too. There are two main categories of problematic in-laws. One type insists on changing you to fit their ideals or tries to micromanage your wedding. The other type does everything they can to sabotage your relationship and paint you as a villain who is determined to ruin their precious child. In both cases, your future spouse must be on your side and stand up to their family. Otherwise… welcome to the rest of your married life.

You’re Worried You Won’t Find Anyone Else

Maybe all your friends are getting married and you feel left out. Maybe you don’t think you can do “better” than the person you’re planning to marry. Maybe you really want biological children and time is running out. Newsflash: None of those are great reasons to get married. Not only are you settling for a partner who doesn’t tick all your boxes, but you’re also denying them the chance to find someone who is truly excited to share their life.

You’ve Compromised On More Than Your Fair Share

Wedding planning is a Herculean undertaking. Not only do you have to deal with budgets and logistics, but you’re also facing dozens of emotionally charged decisions. While you’ll almost certainly have to compromise on some of your ideas, it’s a problem if you feel like you’re the only person who is making concessions. That feeling can quickly lead to resentment–and resentment is a tough thing to overcome in a relationship.

Your Friends Aren’t Excited For You

Are your friends and family sincerely happy for you, or do they seem to be less than thrilled? You might be imagining things–or there might be long-standing issues with your partner not fitting in with the rest of your tribe. It’s worth considering why that might be. If your loved ones are actively telling you that marrying this person is a mistake, then you really need to explore why they feel that way.

You Feel Obligated To Go Through With It

Have you ever heard of the sunk cost fallacy? Basically, it means that at a certain point, you feel like you can’t back out because you’ve already put in too much money and effort. If you’ve found yourself thinking that you can’t back out now because you’ve already paid so many deposits, you might want to talk to a counselor about whether marriage is the right decision after all. Sure, it’ll be a hassle to cancel venues and caterers, but if that’s the main reason you’re going through with the wedding, then lost deposits are the least of your worries.

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